By Ibrahim Jalloh (Jallomy)
Marriage is both a sacred and conventionally accepted institution in all cultural and anthropological settings across the world. In Africa, where I know best, marriage is a rite of passage from childhood to adulthood, a social contract, a growth- into- maturity of the individual person. Indisputable therefore, Marriage ceremonies are full of pump and pageantry.
However, in the bedrock of the beauty and richness of marriage, some social critics think that marriage can be best described as social imprisonment. The beauty and necessity of the man and woman to be and stay together has biblical bearing when you follow the study of creation: God created Adam. God realized in his infinite wisdom that Adam was not happy. God, again in his infinite wisdom, did not bring Adam a Hummer Jeep or a delicious piece of hamburger; but He created a woman called Eve to be a consoling figure and permanent companion to man. This was perhaps where the perceived supremacy of man took root. So from the inception, the relationship between man and woman had been an indelible reality. The progression of humanity all through history has added and/or subtracted the relevance of this seemingly divine arrangement. The thoughts below take anchorage on this thesis:
In ‘On the subjugation of women’, John Stewart Mill compared the institution of marriage to the institution of slavery. Mill argued that wives were like slaves because the laws at that time made them subject to the whims of their husbands. According to Mill, the laws at the time forced women to obey. In fact, Mill argued that women were worse off than slaves because women weren’t even free from their servitude even when they went to bed at night.
One hundred and forty years have passed since Mill wrote his essay, and many things have changed in this country around marriage laws. Most of these changes have been indisputably positive. If the pendulum was too far to the “men’s” side during Mill’s time, many of these laws have moved the pendulum towards the middle, where it should be. However, while it is politically incorrect to say so, I would argue that the pendulum has swung over to the “woman’s” side so much so that the institution of marriage today is a form of slavery for men.
Today, marriage is perilous for a man. Between 40 and 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. If you are married to a non-foreign woman, that rate moves closer to 60%. Women bring the divorce around 70% of the time, and that number jumps to 90% when the woman is college-educated. Because No Fault Divorce is common among the states, she can bring the divorce for whatever reason that she wants.
These statistics simply reflect the fact that today it is easier and more acceptable to get a divorce than it was during Mill’s time. It does not imply any type of slavery and is probably a positive development. The problem is that divorce laws today overwhelmingly favor women, which is significant if so many marriages end in divorce. Economically, men going through divorce are almost guaranteed to lose their house and at least half of their other assets. Women are heavily favored to gain custody over the children with divorced men being able to see their kids only on an average of 14% of the time.
In spite of limited visitation rights, men are forced to pay child support. Because of the Bradly Amendment, child support and alimony must be paid even if the man loses his job or becomes injured. This means that everything the divorced man is seriously limited in what he can do with his life since he cannot afford to not make money. Even more unjust, men are oftentimes forced to pay child support to children who are not even theirs. Depending on the study you cite, between 10% and 20% of children have different fathers than they believe. In spite of this high figure, the burden is on the father to prove that the child is not his. Even if the father is able to prove this, he still usually has to support the children anyway if they were born while he was married.
A man in the United States, therefore, is submitting to a form of slavery when choosing to get married. His wife has enormous legal power to make her husband into a wage slave, sperm bank, walking ATM, retirement fund and general whipping boy simply by filing for a divorce. This is especially so if they have children together. This is an issue that is not talked about often, but it is having a very real effect on marriage in the United States. There is a phenomenon occurring now called the Marriage Strike which is a trend of men to not get married. Between 1990 and 1995, the marriage rate dropped from 9.8 to 7.6 percent. While there are probably many factors contributing to this, the bias of marriage laws today is widely seen as a contributor.
Note: The article draws strength from earlier analyses made by Andrew Lantz, December, 2009.
(C) Politico 11/08/15
