By Nasratu Kargbo
Content Warning: This story contains descriptions of sexual abuse
My colleagues at the office and I were having a privileged conversation relating to sexual abuse, and whilst on the topic, three amongst the men in room revealed that they were sexually abused at a tender. One of them explained that his first sexual encounter was with an older woman, saying at that age he had no clue that he was being molested.
Whilst they continue to share their experiences, I sat there but I was transposed, their stories reminded me of a friend who had narrated his personal experience regarding sexual abuse. Back then, I thought his experience was just an isolated one, but it seems I was wrong. He had explained that when he was around age seven, their family use to live in a big compound that had many apartments, most of which had children around his age; mostly boys.
Their parents were either working class or traders, so they had to ask their neighbour to watch over them after school. The young man explained that after school, their young lady neighbour would close the compound’s gate and ask them (boys) to undress themselves, form a line and take turns in playing with their private parts on hers and touch her private parts amongst other things.
He said they did not tell their parents because they never understood the gravity of what they were doing, but noted that the image remains clear in his head and that he only knew that such should not have happened only when he turned nineteen.
The giggling in the office brought me back to the discussion with my colleagues, Abu Tarawally (not his real name) who recalled that he was around age seven or eight when his aunt’s best friend started touching him in an improper way. To paint a clear picture of how young he was, Tarawally who is now in his early thirties stated that at that age his aunt would usually carry him on her back whenever they want to cross the small river they had in their village.
Speaking on the effect, he said he believes that most of the boys that are exposed to these sexual activities at an early age are hardly sexually satisfied when they grow up.
The other male who said he was abused was seemingly shy to share his story, but attested to the fact that he was abused during his teenage years. These revelation were a shock to me, compelling me to speak with different men and when I did, I was left surprised at the things I heard, the softness behind their masculinity, the can of worms I had unsuspectingly opened, the suppressed emotion and for some flooded memories of being disadvantaged.
At around age six, Mohamed Majid (not his real name) was abused by their neighbour at his home town in Guinea, and recalling the incident he said: “I am a victim, the image still lingers in my mind, though faintly, but I remember, she would take me to her house and close the doors when no one was around, and would ask me to put my mouth on her private part and touch her in an inappropriate way. Her face, I can’t remember now but I wish I could, as I would have met her now and told her that what she did to me was wrong. It would have been the only way I would have gained closure from that situation”.
Majid said he always feels awkward and uneasy whenever he visits his parents in Guinea and sees the neigbour’s house where he was abused, saying “I relive the experience whenever I see that house”.
The Man who is now in his mid-thirties stated that many boys are molested, stressing that he believes that such abuses are common in villages where some kids are left all by themselves when parents are away working in their farms. However, when the boys become men they decide to suppress their feelings because society makes it a taboo for men to be vulnerable. He emphasized society’s impact on men keeping silent by citing that even when a man loses his mother, wife or loved one, society will make remarks such as: “You are man don’t cry, you need to man up, stop crying like a woman”, phrases that make it difficult for men to express themselves.
Majid noted that even teenagers and men in their twenties and thirties are taken advantage of and harassed by older women; could be their bosses in the work place, guardians and women they would need help from.
26 year old Mohamed Turay (also not his real name) use to live with his uncle and got sexually harassed by his uncle’s wife when he was twenty. The young man said he was scarred and could not tell his uncle nor give in to his Aunt’s advances; he had to leave the house.
These men are all educated and somewhat successfully, they however find it difficult telling their stories. This shows they prefer suppressing their feelings, thinking society will trivialize their stories just because of their gender.
Let’s zoom in on boys, they are humans too!
Sexual abuse against boys is under-reported and under-recognized. So much premium has been given to girls on how they should be protected against Sexual and Gender Based Violence (SGBV), and sensitizations held to discourage men from raping girls and women. Also, laws have been formulated to punish offenders, all of which the government and partners should be applauded for these strides. However, I believe the focus is so much on girls to an extent that boys are hardly talked about in conversations related to sexual abuse and harassment.
From my interaction with these men, I would authoritatively state that these assumption that boys are less seriously affected by such abuse is a myth. The discussion with them made me understand that their sexual experiences with these women and men have left an indelible mark in their hearts and minds.
When the topic of sexual abuse for boys and men is discussed, many laugh and will often make remarks like “They enjoyed it”, but let’s remember that some of them were just boys and had no power and understanding on sexual matters. One can hardly tell that a boy has been sexually abused, except there are telling evidence they were excessively abused anally. The case is different for the girl child, because a girls physical make up makes it easy to detect when they’re been defiled.
We should encourage boys to speak up, let them know that being touched in certain ways is wrong and that it is a crime punishable by law. We should encourage women and men to desist from taking advantage of boys.
According to a booklet titled ‘When males have been sexually abused as children’ some of the effects of sexual abuse on boys could include: difficulties with intimacy, self-harm and harm on others, flash back, anxiety, nightmares, difficulties with sexual functioning, anger, shame, guilt and confusion about sexual orientation.
“Many men find it difficult to admit they have been sexually abused. Our culture encourages males to believe they should be in charge of every aspect of their lives, so when boys are abused, they often think they should have been able to stop the abuser. Later, as adults they may blame themselves for having allowed the offender to have power over them” a part of the booklet reads.
To Parents, Activists and schools
Let’s remember boys when advocating against sexual abuse, having observed that institutions that collect data for victims and survivors of sexual abuse and provide medical and psychological services for victims are female focused. With the view that women represent the overwhelming majority of victims of the abuse.
I believe teaching our children that they should not be touched in certain ways would at least give them a clue that inappropriate advances are wrong.
We’ve made sex education for children a taboo to an extent that they learn most things sexual from their peers who can easily influence them to a path parents would not want.
It is my opinion that detailed sex education should be taught in schools, not just about teaching the reproductive organs and menstruation amongst others as topics in Home Economics. I believe it should be a subject on its own, the more advanced the academic level the more in-depth the topic should be explained to them.
If you tell a child in class five or six not to allow someone touch their private parts, when they get to JSS1 you explain why, and when they get to upper levels teachers can delve deeper.
A call to action
I agree that women, girls and children are part of the recognized vulnerable groups, we should keep in mind that a child could be a boy or girl. So, let’s extend our campaign to include boys.
To organizations that keep track on data on sexual abuse, let’s make it a duty to record and publish data on boys like you do for girls.
Like girls, boys are humans too.
(c) 2026 Copyright: Politico Online (26/03/26)
