By Asmaa James
Too many of our boys are invisible and forgotten. Each boy is important and in this race of life, nobody should be left behind. It is within this context that the first observance of “International Day of the Boy Child”, henceforth known as “International Boys’ Day”, will be observed on 16 May 2018.
In Sierra Leone today we see young men grouped together in “Attaya Bases”, while others are being condemned for their seeming lack of interest in securing livelihoods that better their communities.
Gender-Based Violence is on the increase despite several efforts by different key stakeholders. We vilify the men, condemn their attitudes and blame everyone but the homes and the community for their follies and mishaps.
This has been the status quo for decades. It seems we have all forgotten an integral part of the puzzle: boys become men. Are we raising our boys to become men that we will admire and count on? Or are we still drenched in misinformation and cultural biases which give superiority to the male sex.
In fact, in most African homes, the male child is idolized and granted favours and exemptions above girls. This behaviour is exaggerated in such a way that in some cases, boys have more influence in decision-making even over their mothers. We must agree on one thing: these attitudes are wrong and must be corrected.
If you are mindful of recent news and happenings, you will agree that there are regular incidents in which misguided young boys are involved in fraud, cyber-bullying, pornography, alcoholism, drug addiction, robbery and violence. We must acknowledge that these occurrences are due to many factors including:
- Lack of attention.
- Lack of good parenting and care.
- Lack of guidance and support for the boy-child and his development and general well-being.
How can we move away from raising misogynistic boys to gender activists, He for She’s and boys who value and respect girls?
- We must evaluate how boys were raised in the past, to help us know what we should be doing differently to change the narrative. What good elements can we maintain? What negative attitudes should we eradicate? How can we transfer this information across our communities within the educational system? As we need to stop teaching our boys that certain roles are not meant for them, they need to recognize that respect, like success, must be earned.
- We must invest in raising our boys and educating them better, Intentional parenting is the go-to route. We must teach them that everyone, regardless of gender, is responsible for their actions. No one is exempted from the natural and civil laws. We must raise boys who are emotionally intelligent, ones who will know that it is okay to cry and be emotional (and that doesn’t make you weak). Sons who will cook, clean and care for themselves and their siblings. Boys who we will have sexual reproductive discussions with – responsible sons.
- We must join hands in counselling them and in sharing information that supports the betterment and good growth of our boys. We must volunteer our time and resources in investing in boys, mentoring them and raising champions of change who will work in transforming boys into human beings who are dignified, honest, caring, empathetic and are great leaders.
I’ll end with the words of Dr. Fatu Forna Sesay who had this to say: “We must TEACH our boys that we are sexual beings and it is ok to have sex when you are physically and emotionally ready. That sexual consent must be explicitly given by girls/women. You cannot proceed without someone saying ‘YES I want to engage in this sexual act with you’. That contraception is also the responsibility of boys. That when ready you should use a condom every single time you have sex”.
The author is the founder and CEO of the Asmaa James Foundation which advocates for the rights of the girl child. She has now added boys to her advocacy.
Copyright (c) 2020 Politico Online
