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TWITTER, the Gossip (11/05/16)

AUSTERITY MEASURES IN SALONE: BUT WHERE WILL IT ALL END? WE KNOW! 

Documents have been flying all over the place, mainly on social media, pointing to  serious times ahead for the people of Sierra Leone. We have seen one that talks about the government implementing serious austerity measures that would hit the pockets of civil servants very hard.

Well, at the best of times civil servants are not the most highly paid people in this country, so an austerity measure that takes even a penny away from them leaves them looking like their Greek counterparts and Sierra Leone needing a continuous international bailout.

So in furtherance of the austerity project, we would like to make the following contribution as citizens of this Great country. We urge the government to immediately implement the following measures:

1. De Pa must scrap Deputy Ministerial positions that mean nothing (and they are many). They are complete surpluses to requirement. Even football teams sack players who can't score goals, pass the ball or defend properly. De Pa should make absolutely savage cuts in the running of the bureaucracy. Our democracy is too expensive and unnecessarily so - without value. It's becoming a burden on the ordinary people.

2. He should ban all overseas travel by politicians and senior civil servants to worthless feel-good international conferences where ticket costs are suspect and per diems are too high and the confabs adding no value. Please, that includes reducing, to the barest level, all presidential delegations to UN meetings and those internet regulation kind of conferences that a former Deputy minister called Gulliver's Travel liked to attend.

3. Park all government vehicles at a particular time of the day and put them under strict supervision. Ministers who want to go up country on weekend jamboree should use their private cars.

5. No more state banquets. Austerity measures should have no boundaries. Ask Tanzanian president, John Magufuli.

6. No changing of furniture in the offices of new ministers - never mind the window curtains. The old ones are one hundred times better than those we have in our homes.

7. Stop backyard recruitment of party operatives as this and that coordinator in our ministries.

8. Stop inflating the costs of roads being repaired or reconstructed.

9. Restrict the roaming telephones every jack and jill uses at the expense of the masses who struggle to make local calls.

10. Get rid of the unnecessary guys pretending to be doing any work at State House being paid thousands of dollars a month.

We will come with more austerity measures soon. Watch this space.

WEEPING MORE THAN THE BEREAVED - ANOTHER BOB MARLEY NIGHT

Barring any last-minute unfriendly action by Munu, Bob Marley Night tonight will be fantastic this year. Traditionally, the small Rastafari community in Sierra Leone would simply gather at their temple or ghettoes and burn the Callie Weed.

But these days Munu is so scared about people holding views contrary to those of the government that even meeting in some place for a funeral may well send his boys in to accuse the Rastafarians of INCITING THE PEOPLE. This is a very draconian yet common charge these days.

Rastafarians are very resilient people. We applaud them for that. Slowly, the nation is coming home to the reality that the Callie Weed was found on the grave of King Solomon. So what's all this fuss about? Bob Marley Night will go ahead guys. Long live democracy! We don't know if the Jamaicans themselves are as enthusiastic as we are about this Bob Marley Night thing.

Anyway, here's what you should expect throughout Freetown in particular tonight.

1. The Callie Weed will be available almost free raising the question whether it should be legalised and taxed. The Rastafarians are not doing badly with their demands for recognition by the state of Sierra Leone. Why? Haven't they presented their position paper to the CRC chair?

2. The music of Bob Marley is already being played all over the country. In residential areas, make sure you join the celebration. Why stay out when the music and the smell of the Callie Weed will be all over?

3. As you smoke, dance and drive around, please watch your belongings. Some among the Rastafarians are not very upright. And in any case they are easily infiltrated by criminals planning to distress people. And, of course, by politicians, many of whom are also thieves in another name.

4. If the police conduct and raid tonight, they should openly declare anything they seize - Callie Weed, alcohol and cash. We don't want so-called exhibits ending up at Goderich Street.

5. Please, all neutrals - meaning those who hate Bob Marley and his Redemption Song and cannot touch him with a 10-foot barge pole - must stay away completely. No Payaka business. Jah Rastafari!

LAY BELLEH COMMITTEE: MEMBERSHIP DRIVE BEGINS

It's getting to that time again guys when people need to strengthen their operations as they prepare for the verdict of the people. No doubt, things have been difficult for the vast majority of the people of Sierra Leone despite the activities of a group of people identified by musician Emmerson as members of the Lay Belleh Committee. For those who are not Sierra Leoneans, Lay Belleh means SYCOPHANCY OF THE WORST KIND

We heard last night that more of them are now being recruited for short-term contracts that would last until flag-bearers are elected or selected, depending on the political party. At that point some will be sacked while others will have their contracts renewed.

Guys, if you are interested in this job, here's what we require:

1. The applicant should stand for nothing. Just go along with what looks popular or populist.

2. Should spend the whole day listening to radio stations with a view to attacking citizens who say something even remotely honest and critical of the government and to tell them they are SLPP people whose views don't matter in state governance.

3. Should always be walking in the corridors of power, literally. We mean only the corridors. Never try to rise beyond being able to get an independent income - always depend on ruling party politicians.

4. Should be shameless and continuously delusional to the extent of believing that political change will never come to Sierra Leone. That what happened in 2007 will never repeat itself.

4. Should describe Emmerson as an idiot who means no good. In fact he is unpatriotic! That way your largesse will swell up and your envelope will get fatter.

5. Also keep an eye on social media - all platforms. Be ready to insult anybody who disagrees with De Pa on anything. But remember to go back to those people and apologise to them in secret and tell them - DIS NAR SURVIVAL GAME BRA. Hahaha!

6. Fervently believe - or latest pretend in an Oscar-winning fashion - that ruling party politicians are more patriotic than those who oppose them. In fact, they are God in the flesh who must never be challenged.

7. Should be a low-life reactionary so-called musician who is paid to attack progressives.

8. Should be ready to switch political sides any time the pendulum shifts. The whole thing is about power and those things of this world that come with it. They include the delusional thinking that Ministers, Presidents, Prime Ministers, Kings and Queens are better than mere mortals like us.

VEHICLE SALES POINTS AND THE PARKING WAHALA IN FREETOWN

As with many other things, the Freetown City Council has completely lost control of parking spaces in the Central Business District. The whole area is now an unregulated free-for-all parking bay. The problem has been compounded by car sellers parking their cars on the streets waiting for customers. If it took two years for somebody to buy the cars, those vehicles would be parked in the same place for those two years.

How come car dealers are getting away with this very wrong way of using the public space with nobody challenging them. We don't want to start pointing fingers here and there but let the Freetown City Council go all over the place and see for themselves - assuming they have not already seen the mess. The streets of the Central Business District are becoming very unfriendly for people driving cars:

1. Finding a parking space is a complete nightmare. Perhaps, this is the only city in the world where the Council knowingly loses millions of leones daily by refusing to organise parking space and collecting monies for that.

2. The streets have become open hunting grounds for fierce-looking boys who are making a living by extorting money from motorists with some creating eyesores. They block off the few available parking spaces with rotten tyres and people have to pay to park their cars. Imagine how much they collect daily. Is that not money for the City Council?

3. Please don't ask why ordinary motorists can't resist paying. It makes a lot of sense to pay up. We say so because the boys can go as far as deflating tyres and scratching your car while you are away should you force your way to evade their “tax”. So it's not just paying for a space to park, it's also about the security of your vehicle.

4. People building houses and those selling cars are also now taking advantage of the inability of Bababode to run Freetown and are busy taking over whole stretches of roads in an already congested Freetown.

5. If the peace and quiet of cemeteries is being breached by criminals, dirty pigs are roaming the streets and even going into people’s homes, some municipal schools cab barely run themselves, Victoria Park remains a mess in the heart of Freetown and entering the Central Business District is now in the hands of street urchins, then why do we need Bababode and his people pretending to be running Freetown? Only in Sierra Leone!!!

(C) Politico 11/05/16


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