BAYUKU OUT OF CABINET: DID HE JUMP OR WAS HE PUSHED?
When we met Bayuku, King of Koinadugu recently, he had a master plan on breathing new life into the tourism sector post-Ebola. We didn't have enough time for him to explain how his dream would materialise but he sounded very confident. And he looked very well – at least he told us so when we greeted him. So we were profoundly shocked to get the news of his resignation on grounds of ill-health. We wish him all the best. His colleagues in the West would always include this line in their resignation letter - "I want to have some more time for my family." But that's not Bayuku's problem.
And we will dismiss this media speculation about the ACC lurking around the man. No Way!
So what's next for Agbangba Jazz? We have no idea but he could return to Italy for a good rest and have a few meetings with Silvio Berlusconi, the politician with NINE LIVES. Bayuku is certainly not going back to becoming head of the Koinadugu district council. So we recommend a meeting with Berlusconi. Please don't take any lessons in how to organise those “bunga bunga” parties.
Already we have a few people waiting to take over the job vacated by Bayuku. We don't believe De Pa is in haste to appoint a replacement. We may even have a ministry of works-type situation in prospect where we still have no minister. But we suggest the following people anyway.
1. LANSANA FADIKA - The guy helped defeat his former party on his way to the Red Movement. But he's been so quiet that we wonder whether he is still in Sierra Leone. We had to call up some of his allies - many of whom are angry that De Pa has still not placed their man. Here's the perfect opportunity to make it up to master of PADDLE MASK DEVIL.
2. SARAH PALIN - We think Sarah Palin will do well here. There's very little pressure compared to her previous job among those doctors who clearly didn't like the woman. She is a beautiful woman, reasonably intelligent, with an accent like somebody from the east coast of the US. She will bring tourists to this country in droves.
3. HERBERT GEORGE-WILLIAMS - What is wrong with giving this guy a second chance in life? Yes, he messed up with that Morgan Heritage nonsense but he is a loyal party man and he could swing a lot of votes to the opposition in 2017 if left out in the cold for long. That will be a politically-expedient decision to make.
4. De Pa can simply do the ministry of works thing and allow the deputy minister to pretend to be running things until God knows when. Please what's the name of that DEPUTY MINISTER again?
"INHERENT LACK OF BUSINESS EDUCATION IN SALONE" - PRAISE KAN KAN KAN
Kan Kan Kan came to Freetown today from his temporary office in Port Loko to do his usual thing on his usual morning platform. We understand the guy runs the ministry of information now by Skype - that's fantastic. We could soon ask De Pa to let an avatar run that office.
Kan Kan Kan lost his cool with the people yesterday morning and told the world that our Ebola-ravaged country is suffering from an "inherent lack of business education." Yeaaaaaaah, this is an interesting country. In the UK recently a minister lost his big job for describing a policeman as a plebeian. A prominent opposition politician who made a pejorative reference to symbols associated with working class people resigned before she could be sacked. Here we are in good old Sierra Leone, Kan Kan Kan tells the people they need business education because they ask questions aimed at getting the sense in a man who couldn't put out a fire in his own house, rushing to do so in a neighbour's place.
We warn Kan Kan Kan that he is dealing with a much more enlightened and unforgiving public today than when his movement campaigned for office in 2007. The people will speak soon and he should be prepared to take up a job at the curriculum committee of the ministry of education in 2018. The budget will be very small though.
The people can see all the uncertainties surrounding jobs and the local economy in the mining areas. They need no business education for that. Now Kan Kan Kan is telling the people to buy documents from the bookshop are read and not bother him with questions about mining policies. Good man! Actually, we went to the place for the first time yesterday and found a 17th century building with two badly paid ladies selling some papers. From now on, we don't want to hear from any minister. We will read papers. Long live the Red Movement.
BREAKING TWEET: INVASION LUNGI AIRPORT
Our attention has been drawn to the invasion of the Freetown International Airport at Lungi by over 100 armed soldiers. De pa has appointed a Poto to be his aviation adviser. We understand he is a old White Man soldier. Does someone need to tell De Pa that civil aviation is a completely different ball game? Well now the new man says he wants as many armed soldiers at the airport as there are passengers. Passengers have complained to us that the scene is scary and looks like a war zone. Just when did Ebola need guns to fight it off! Well in addition to Ebola, we now have more reason to make our airport unattractive to visitors. More on this later.
"BREAKING NEWS": DR ORMAN BACK AS SLBC BOSS FOR MORE OF THE SAME
The SLBC announced the re-appointment of their misfiring boss as "BREAKING NEWS." This gives the nation a clear sense of what the state broadcaster has been up to over the last four years under Dr. Orman. How did the news people at SLBC reach that "BREAKING NEWS" decision? In a country ravaged by Ebola and international movements, the "BREAKING NEWS” from SLBC is the re-appointment of Dr. Orman. Long live wise judgment in news gathering!
In the fullness of time we shall reveal what happened between the time the Board of Trustees asked the DG to pack out and that crucial meeting of the board which ended in disarray. This was really interesting.
The board members had converged to re-confirm their decision that Dr. Orman should leave, when a call came from somewhere to the chair of the board telling them their tenure expired even before they took the initial decision to send Dr. Orman away and that they were the ones who should leave office immediately. We watched them leave the boardroom with long faces. In fact, we understand that SLAJ has already nominated its new representative on the board. We hope he doesn't get treated like the others who were supposed to be on the IMC board.
So after the triumphalism following the so-called BREAKING NEWS, comes the real Dr. Orman.
1. All those who took part in the recent demonstration asking for him to be sacked must now openly apologise to Dr. Orman or their names will be high on the list of people to be made redundant. Orman Power!
2. There will be more of the same in terms of programme content, range of news coverage, bias towards the APC government and complete disregard for media ethics and the interest of the masses.
3. The SLBC will remain debt-ridden, plagued by salary delays and strikes.
4. For the rest of the people, it's either we take what Dr. Orman has on his menu or we find our way into the kingdom of Adonis Aboud. If you choose the latter, we cannot guarantee your family even one meal a day because DSTV keeps adding dollars to their subscription.
PALLO SACKS KENEMA BURIAL TEAM: LET THE DEAD GO BURY THEIR DEAD
We hear that bodies are piling up in Kenema with nobody to bury them since Pallo Conteh sacked the burial team. We agree that the Kenema burial team misbehaved the other day and the decision to sack them was a good one. But how come after boasting that he would replace them immediately, Pallo still has no team working there?
Please Kenema is doing well in the fight against Ebola and we don't want a relapse. We want a new burial team for Kenema without delay otherwise we will accuse the minister of making political statements without backing it up with action on the ground in Kenema.
© Politico 11/12/14
